To Be Happy (And Sad)

Hello, friends!

In the same vein as yesterday, I would like to pose a question:

Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time?

To me, at least, the answer is yes.

I watched this TED talk

by Emily Esfahani Smith when I came here to Alaska and it blew my mind. I had struggled up to that point on that trip and with my concept of happiness as a whole because that trip wasn’t an extended period of happiness. It was hard at times, it had bumps.

After talking to my husband, however, he explained that long stretches of happiness aren’t normal and that it’s possible to find happiness in moments, not just in long stretches. These moments are to be cherished as much as the long periods. That blew my mind, and that was one of the beginning steps towards the unraveling of the old normal that I experienced back in Texas. It goes perfectly with the TED talk.

The overall message I took away from the talk is that happiness is fleeting, but meaning will sustain me when times get hard and I won’t feel as lost. That talk was a gift from the universe/God right there. It came to me at the exact right time, right when I needed it. It’s gifts like this that give my life a sense of meaning. I said in the previous post that there are things that come to me exactly when I need them. I’ll give them a name – spiritual love notes. They make up the core of my belief that there is a plan for everything. This also helps give my life a sense of meaning.

Perhaps my happiness-throughout-sadness is me finding meaning in my life. I hope I can bring meaning to the lives of others, too. These little loving synchronicities are proof to me that everything is here for a purpose and that God is in everything. My husband is my biggest source of meaning. Writing is a close second, my friends and students are third.

I find happiness throughout sadness – and vice versa – throughout my days. Tutoring has slowed way down as summer break arrives for those in the United States. School is out for kids in my town already, and I have far too much time on my hands. I will spend more time on writing, definitely.

Happiness has taken me completely by surprise, and there are still smatterings of darkness. I don’t think they should be eliminated, but they should be managed and noted.

I’m currently in a sad spot, but I’m writing to manage it. I feel better. This blog is a gift and a godsend. So are the people in my life. I’m glad that I don’t confuse happiness for mania anymore and can start to recognize it for what it is.

Maybe this is what everyone was talking about when they spoke about contentment – that calm assurance. Maybe that’s what I feel when I recognize meaning in my life. That would be awesome.

Go watch the talk! I’ll be around.

Love, Meg

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A Seat At the Table

I don’t know if I have exhausted the topic of happiness. I was doing some reading on writer’s block and the author thought it came down to fear – being afraid to write something and pushing through the fear, breaking it down.

I know I’m afraid of a few things. But in that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a dream I had last night.

In this dream, I knew myself and knew how much I was worth as a human being. It was simple and profound as I saw all of the roads that opened up to me because of it. I was worth more than to just be a memory. I was worthy to be given a chance, to be heard, to be cherished and loved. In that dream, I didn’t see myself as a burden. I didn’t see myself as unlovable, I didn’t see myself as unworthy of…anything. I had a shot equal to anyone else to get what I wanted. I was not guaranteed what I desired, but the universe dealt me a fair hand. I was not worth more than other human beings, but I was not worth less. I was given a seat at the table, and I made my voice heard.

I had power. I wrote a few lines this morning:

I still do have this power. I am not made less because of how I see myself. I have an equal opportunity to receive happiness. It was an incredibly enlightening dream.

Fear holds me back a lot. All of this got started because I don’t often believe I have a chance to win any contests or be heard by anyone with a large social reach. I don’t quite see myself as likely or able to get that chance. Then something clicked
in my brain and I had the thought of, and pardon my French, “fuck it, I have a chance, as good as anyone’s. Let’s do it” as I was contemplating writing to someone about my music. So I did it, then had that dream.

I have heard a phrase over and over again that’s just now getting stuck in my head –

“What you seek is also seeking you.”
I’m not sure who said that, but I know it is real based off of what I have been seeing in my life as of late. I know nothing can come from nothing, so there must be something good about what I’m doing and I should honor that.

I wrote this a few nights ago as I was falling asleep. We are made of starstuff, as I believe Carl Sagan put it.  I believe it.

So it seems that the spot at the table is still open. It is up to me – and to you – to take it.

And to the person wondering what they are worth –

You, too are offered a seat at the table. Your worth is infinite. You have a voice. You have a heart that is special and your desires are valid. Speak up. You are loved. I want to hear what you have to say. Who knows who else you can touch with your words and your actions! You are also a star.

And to you, dear star, I say – shine.



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