I’m sorry I haven’t been super present on the blog lately. I’ve been in a good deal of pain, first with my wrenched ankle and now with cramps.
These aren’t normal cramps. I’ve been down for the count for several days. We went to the doc today and they gave me extra strength Tylenol and some Aleve. They didn’t do anything. I’m scared of this and where it’s going, and we sat in the room for two hours for practically nothing but them telling me to see how it goes.
I am scared to see where this goes. I have been feeling really sad lately and I want it all to stop. I was told somewhere that birth control will stop my periods, not make things worse. I am tired of this emotional rollercoaster, I’m tired of the pain. I am tired of feeling like disappearing for at least a week every month.
I would far rather keep the painful periods than deal with the emotional rollercoaster that comes with all of this crap. I have had PMS to the degree that it’s a miracle I still have friends. My periods died with the Depo Provera shot, but that messed me up in ways that made it not worth another go. I was very upset that nobody told me what the shot would do and it’s made it hard to trust an OBGYN again. I still am wary of them. Maybe that’s my fault.
Bottom line – I am tired of this birth control journey. I want it all to end, to have normal emotional patterns not affected by hormones, and to not be in physical pain for around a week. I don’t know what to do and I am frustrated.
As this comes and hopefully goes, I have been learning an important lesson. I realize that I have been dwelling too much in the past and that is hurting my hope for the future, especially in my writing. I write about past events in the hope of sorting through them, but really I’m allowing them free space in my brain that they shouldn’t be able to inhabit.
I think I’ll relieve a lot of self inflicted pain if I focus less on the past. I hope y’all have a wonderful day. Until next post –