I’m not really okay today, so this post might not be super long. I don’t really know what to write about, either.
I guess I am wanting something soft. A good night’s sleep. A bath with a bath bomb. A crying spell that ends up being productive instead of draining and halfway to emotional self harm. A summer breeze. The ability to see a silver lining in at least some things. The ability to extract happiness from moments rather than hoping for an unbroken streak of good times.
I know adulthood isn’t sunshine and rainbows.
I know it’s supposed to be difficult.
I see why it is worth going through.
Half the time, though, it seems pointless. It feels like I’m putting more harm than good into the world. It feels like I’m not living for my own sake. I’m living in order to keep others happy, because if I quit on life, that would harm everyone else. That kills that option.
While there are good things in my life, things to fight for, things to dream about, they seem out of reach right now. I want to nap for about 3 hours right now. My brain needs a good hard reset, but I’ve got stuff to do. I guess I just need a hug.
Until next post,