I have a song to share with y’all.
This is “Heron”, one of the simplest and most beautiful songs I have ever written. It came into being in fifteen minutes after a guy found me playing ukulele outside a party and we got to talking. I came home afterwards and wrote this song down. It contains only two chords, yet when I played it on street corners back in Texas, it would earn the most tips. It is powerful and beautiful, filled with yearning.
I no longer yearn in this way, but this song captured the moment perfectly. It’s interesting how songs can contain memories or the magic of moments. Some songs hold good memories for me, others bad ones. There are many ways to fill silence, and music is one of the best ways to do so.
When I write music, the best songs I compose flow out of me. There’s no forcing them, and they have minds of their own. I connect with them in ways similar to how I connect with God. It’s that same kind of rush.
However, I rarely use music to connect with God, and that’s beginning to bother me. I’ve been thinking so much about the magic and power of song and the power of God as almost separate from one another, when really they should be joined. I believe I spoke in another post about being commanded to write, and part of that could be writing things to play on my instruments or to sing. I want to include song in my worship because that’s a powerful part of myself I have been neglecting. Even if it’s only praying in a whisper over two or three chords or singing a phrase acapella, I feel like my prayers will be amplified.
I’ve been feeling empowered by God to the point where I am full to bursting with what seems to be spiritual power. I want to use it to bless others, but I don’t know how to do it. I don’t think I can perform miracles, though it honestly feels like I could if I had enough faith. Maybe that’s my manic side talking. I’m not sure.
To me, it all comes back for me to another sort of yearning, one to be closer to God and to listen to him to see where to direct this power and responsibility.
I think I’ve also calmed down a lot inside and become more secure as a human being. It feels like I have cleaned up a messy room. I’m still super hyperactive and excitable, but it feels like my mind has become more organized. There are still moments where the organization gets horribly wrecked, but I’m usually able to reorder it by taking a nap or sleeping for the night if it’s late enough. Eventually I manage to calm down.
My husband is a huge help, too. He brings me closer to God by the way he shows his love for me. When I’m sad and panicky, he holds me close and prompts me to talk about it. It’s hard sometimes, very hard. But he is always there.
I don’t talk to God much conversationally, especially when I’m sad. Perhaps times of sadness and anxiety are times when God wants me to talk to him? I keep prayers in my heart because I feel weird praying aloud. I hope the music will help me get out of that shell.
Thank you for reading!
Until next post,