See (Mago track 1)

Good morning, friends!

That’s exactly what this song is about. From the opening line of “good morning, my dearest”, “See” is about new beginnings and the fairytale phase of love. It’s about feeling comfortable in my own skin in that moment.

I’ve thought a bit about how I’m going to approach this song and this topic. I want this post to be less of an admonition and more of a tale of personal experience. So here we go.

I’m not an “expert” on the fairytale phase, but I do know a bit about it. When it worked and I was in it, it was awesome. That’s what “See” is about.

I would call it a false high. When I wrote this song, I was feeling euphoric. The euphoria would later come crashing down, and I knew it would. So I was determined to cling to the high for as long as possible.

With it came a massive creative surge, and I wanted to cling to that, as well. This might be a bipolar thing, and like nearly all of my creative endeavors, I beat myself up for pursuing it. I’m glad I didn’t kill it – the lines in Mago and in “See” are priceless.

“See” is also about feeling complete and accepted in love and in life. I wrote one of my favorite lyric stanzas of all time here:

“I’ve been through people, people have been through me, but in translucency I am whole, and in this time I am complete”.

I felt worn through and hoped that I could finally rest with the person whom I felt completed me.

Why not end the album there, or put it at the end instead of the beginning, you may ask?

The answer is that it IS the beginning. It sets the stage for a tumultuous, open ended story. And it’s also a breaking point and the beginning of a descent. You know how a protagonist is living their life when along comes a knock on the door and their world is changed in an instant?

This is The World Before, where everything is settled. But it’s also false and subject to violent change.

I say “violent change” because there will be a breaking point later on when I discover that I’m really NOT comfortable in my own skin.

After my dad died, I ran towards anything that would give me emotional shelter and latched myself onto it. It took me awhile to learn that that was bad. I felt comfortable and beautiful and safe for a time, but when things inevitably went south, my self esteem plummeted. My mental health plummeted. Whether it was me or thing or person that I clung to that ended my clinging, it turned into a form of self harm in hindsight. Especially when I would kill it on purpose. Eventually it stopped hurting as badly as it should have, but I developed an unhealthy fear of rejection. My relationships with friends and family weren’t healthy, my mind wasn’t healthy.

I was terrified of being alone. As a result, nothing grew in a healthy manner because I was so afraid of losing it. I couldn’t be by myself for more than three or four hours, and if I was, my mind began to tear itself apart. But I didn’t know what was even going on until after I started writing Mago. I had a hunch in the writing process, but nothing would happen until I met my husband (who accepts me in my entirety) , and it took starting this blog to begin accepting myself. It’s a wonderful thing.

The time which inspired “See” went south. But it was the beginning of a journey. Setting this down in song was a powerful experience and kicked Mago into high gear. It is also one of my only love songs that I still love after a year and some. Plus, it’s beautiful! Take a listen here.

Until next time,

Meg

3 thoughts on “See (Mago track 1)

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